Live-laugh-love

Happy month-sary. :)

myshalalalala — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:08:43 +0000

You definitely have gotten the first month of 2012 right. I love you most.

Thank you for the flowers. FIGHTING!

Things that touch your soul comes for free.

myshalalalala — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 07:30:33 +0000

I’ve never been more proud to have a boyfriend who decided he’ll do a little something for X’mas. Maybe it hit him that his mum and sister have been doing their part for the community and that he should do the same thing, or maybe its the constant conversations we have about community service that have gotten to his head, but really, I believe he always had it in him but he never really knew where to start. But this time he did, and I’m sooo glad he did.

See, when he went to Bangkok with his family this December, he bought five sarongs and gave it to five random poverty-stricken people on the streets, with those little notes pasted on them. What really makes me smile was that he put our names on those notes, so that he gave them on behalf of us. That was very very very thoughtful of him. I don’t know how much those sarongs cost, but it doesn’t matter, because no matter the price, they made those people who received them feel thought of, cared for, and most importantly, this Christmas, they finally feel the spirit of giving.

My boyfriend could be doing this to make his parents happy, maybe to make ME happy, or maybe even to make the Bentley CC (those people he dedicated the notes to) happy, but I reckon that’s the reason why we do certain things in the first place- because we aim to make special people in our lives a little more happier. It doesn’t make his actions any less genuine, in fact, it makes me love him more, because he puts effort and thought into what we really want to see happening in this world.

Khai may be Muslim, but I’ve never been happier that he’s celebrating Christmas with me in a different way. He really made me very happy… now I know, I have him with me, trying to cause many ripples in the waters.

It’s not on private, baby, because I want you to know how proud I am of you. I love you.

I haven’t forgotten.

myshalalalala — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 17:46:00 +0000

I dreamt that I had you.

It’s been easier than usual trying to push aside situations that I’ve gone through. Sometimes it feels like it never happened, most of the time, I know it’s because I’m way pass the stage. It’s easier to talk about it, at times it motivates me to know I survive something like that. In fact, I think that was the turning point that changed my life, and how it encouraged me to move to Australia.

But there are times, when you creep in at moments I don’t expect you would, and catch me by surprise. You take my breath away, and it makes me feel bad that I’m having an amazing time when I should be living with grief. I wonder if these are ways you are telling me not to be complacent, to remind me that I cannot afford a second mistake, the way I did with you. Maybe that’s a good thing, I just wish you don’t have the ability to make me feel so… guilty. You make me think twice in whatever I do, you make me think more than I should, and most of all, you create the barrier that shouldn’t exist and it affects the person closest to me.

I love you, and I am sorry I lost you.

Why I couldn’t hold it back.

myshalalalala — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 03:31:53 +0000

I really meant it when I said that whatever I’m doing right now isn’t for myself anymore, it’s really more for the organisation, because it frustrates me, knowing that AIESEC Curtin has such great potential to do so much better and yet we’re not achieving it. I really had so much plans, so I guess I couldn’t hold it back when it came to VP Talent Management successor to be announced, it wasn’t my name who was called out. I guess it’s at the back of my head that I took that risk to still run for Executive Board even though I know the term is for a year, and I have only 6 months left in Australia. I knew it was going to be detrimental as to whether I get the position.

Maybe it felt like rejection. I don’t know why after everything was announced and I realised I wasn’t going to be part of any of it, it was just so overwhelming. I know I shouldn’t, but I just kept thinking of all the times I try to do everything right and still fail. It felt so much like the time when Nigel left and I try so hard to keep him but I still lose him in the end. I guess my speech is very very relevant, since I describe AIESEC as my boyfriend, and this time, I failed in getting a position despite all the time I invested. I know there will be more opportunities, maybe not now, maybe not here in Australia because of such a limited time, but someday, and maybe even bigger, like Khai said.

It’s just that, I don’t know… I’m looking for something to gain back that fulfillment I lost long ago, and I thought this was it. I guess it wasn’t after all.

But I’ve never been happier, that the people who are in the EB roles are all those passionate and equipped with experience. And to Tien, who is VP TM, though I’m disappointed it wasn’t me, I’m so glad it wasn’t anybody else. I know you never wanted to run for VP TM, but you’re going to do an amazing job, and for the little time I have, I’m not gonna leave your team.

When you read this, you don’t have to come all the way to my house like you did the other time. ;)

myshalalalala — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 12:46:37 +0000

I know I haven’t given you enough credit for making my life here in Australia so much easier. I guess the situation we are in is no heaven, but it definitely kept my life here from becoming hell. See, in all honesty, I like the little things that you do, like coming to my house and sucking up to my housemates just because you don’t want them to feel irritated that you’re always around, or the way you hold my face, give me a nagging about eating properly and then a quick kiss. Of course, there are the bigger things, like how you surprised me with dozens of daffodils from an event fighting for cancer. I know how much you really care, when for a period of time, we have so many parties to go for, but you took care of me because I keep getting wasted. I know entering the club at 1.30am and leaving an hour later taking care of a girl who just puked on herself is no fun at all. How can I forget, when you took care of me when I’m having a fever. You came back from dinner with your friends, knock on my housemates’ doors asking for medication, forced me to drink up the darn powder in water, tucked me in, kissed me, left, and then came back to kiss me again. Oh, how about after reading the previous post and ignoring all your calls, you drove all the way just to tell me you’ll try harder? I’ve become less expressive verbally, but trust me, I remember the little details.

I know I’m not exactly the best partner to have, since I’m keeping myself from committing and always emphasising on our expiry date. But I really do care how you turn out to be while you’re spending this period with me, and I’m really hope that I’m doing well enough in making you happy. I just really hate how circumstances has already decided our fate, but darling, be sure I feel the same way as you do.

Those days I’m not the nice Sarrah who appreciates the little things.

myshalalalala — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 14:59:30 +0000

Today it’s one of those days I feel it’s such a bother to answer his calls. I feel the relationship that we’re in is getting a little bit of a schedule, a little bit of a routine, somehow it’s getting a little too mundane. Sometimes we grab lunch, maybe dinner… we’ll do work at Abacus, or my house, or his house… Sometimes I’ll grab him to do groceries with me. If you ask me if we ever do any other activities other than that, I really can’t think of any. There’s one time he drove to Apple Cross and we sat down to have a random conversation. There were a couple of times we went to Fremantle to walk around. And maybe that one time we had coffee with my housemate at Lawley Street. Other than that, really, I can’t seem to give him credit for making effort. It’s one of those days I’m in the mood to be a bitch by being unappreciative. I actually wish it feels like this most of the time, and then maybe it’s easier to make that decision to walk away from a relationship that’s gonna be dead end.

YES SARRAH, you are a big big bitch today.

Acceptance.

myshalalalala — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 16:25:33 +0000

Sometimes, no amount of time can help you forget.

But I do know that in time, the grief lessens, and the hurt is not so overwhelming.

Today, this is for you, to let you know I haven’t forgotten.

The values we all should strive towards.

myshalalalala — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 02:39:18 +0000

Sure there are times I doubt myself, WHAT I’m fighting for, and WHY I’m fighting for whatever. It’s good to doubt, I realise, because when you do, you seek for answers. When you seek for answers intensely, most of the time, you’ll get one that’s good enough to push you back the right track.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

-Mother Theresa

A question of judgement.

myshalalalala — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:32:39 +0000

I am officially put into a test of ethics.

When I was given the job to be the bearer of bad news to the rejected interviewees of AIESEC (the international organisation I belong to in Curtin), I didn’t think any of those would bother pursuing the matter. But this specific girl just had to ask why. I didn’t read the email until today… and basically another member of AIESEC has already replied to that, saying that her inability to communicate properly was a major part because she couldn’t understand half the things we were saying during the interview.

Let’s call her A. So A replied back, I must say with a little bit of angst, saying that it is not right that she is rejected on that area, when she is working very hard to improve her communication skills. She mentioned that she really wants to give back to the organisation and she is pleading for a second chance.

What is the right thing to do?

She makes me question my ethics when she rebutted on our reason as to why she was rejected. I remember telling my team that those who can’t converse in English should definitely be off the list. Discrimination? I didn’t see it at that time. I mean, delegating jobs are definitely gonna be harder if the person doesn’t understand the instructions. It only takes that one person for the whole process to go haywire… or at least complicate it. Is that reasoning good enough? Is it possible to actually put these people with communication skills problems to be at the back office, like Finance, where there is little interaction with the outside community? I really don’t know. AIESEC is not running a language centre where we are helping students to improve their language competency. We are an organisation who is helping students with that potential to reach even greater heights… I’m not saying A doesn’t have that potential. I just felt she didn’t have that foundation yet to even step on a platform where there is a lot of work, a lot of time commitment, and a lot of communication between portfolios needed. We have KPIs to meet, we have datelines, we have businesses to talk to, so where is the line in giving others that potential, and achieving goals?

In conclusion, Whitney, if you’re reading this, you are such an arse for making me give the bad news!

The power of Sidd’s conviction.

myshalalalala — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 16:51:01 +0000

I’d like to believe that there’s a grey area when it comes for relationships- when you can take a little, and give a little, but never fully committing; things are always kept casual and simple, and when it’s time to go on separate ways, it’s done very amicably.

But is there really?

I think at some point, things are bound to become serious, especially when you’re seeing each other often enough. It’s impossible to keep things with no strings attached. It sucks to be going out with somebody else, and wondering if you should be transparent with both. It sucks to be going out in the clubs, with guys swooning to kiss you on that day, and you’re wondering what your open relationship partner is gonna think. And most of all, it sucks to know that when it comes to that bound-to-get-serious point, you’re wondering if you’re gonna leave hesitantly with an aching heart.

I guess my point is, a casual relationship just don’t make it. You either give all or nothing, commit fully or not, decide to make it work or leave it. So in other words, you’re either in or out, no? And I’m only beginning to see it.

And maybe, my other point is, Facebook should stop giving too many options- you’re either taken, or not, there’s no such thing as it’s complicated.