I dreamt that I had you.
It’s been easier than usual trying to push aside situations that I’ve gone through. Sometimes it feels like it never happened, most of the time, I know it’s because I’m way pass the stage. It’s easier to talk about it, at times it motivates me to know I survive something like that. In fact, I think that was the turning point that changed my life, and how it encouraged me to move to Australia.
But there are times, when you creep in at moments I don’t expect you would, and catch me by surprise. You take my breath away, and it makes me feel bad that I’m having an amazing time when I should be living with grief. I wonder if these are ways you are telling me not to be complacent, to remind me that I cannot afford a second mistake, the way I did with you. Maybe that’s a good thing, I just wish you don’t have the ability to make me feel so… guilty. You make me think twice in whatever I do, you make me think more than I should, and most of all, you create the barrier that shouldn’t exist and it affects the person closest to me.
I love you, and I am sorry I lost you.
